So the upcoming Summer has been a subject of quite a good amount of anxiety for me. Why? you ask. Well, I'll tell you.
First of all, we'll be welcoming a newborn into our home.
Then, there's the fact that I will be off work for the first time since I was... 15? Looking back on work (and way back including school in the mix), I have never had this much time away from daily scheduled obligations since I was 15. Which was a long time ago.
And then let's add in that Jena will be staying home with me (ie. not going to preschool). So for the first time in three years (she's only five, mind you), she will be home all Summer, not participating in the daily structured atmosphere of preschool. And since my parents watched her before she started preschool, she'll be staying home for the longest period of time in her life.
On the surface, all of these are good things. Really good.
But I also am keenly aware that they are all three major changes. Changes that will need adjusting to. Adjustments which will almost certainly cause at least a small amount of stress on our family.
And they're all happening at the same time.
I have been anxious about everything from just the stress of so much change to our family at once, to what will I feed Jena for lunch, to what will I eat for lunch.
What will we do to occupy our time? With me taking care of a newborn? And a five year old with lots of energy to burn?
So much anxiety over it.
Now, mind you I do still realize there will be some stress involved. And some anxious moments. And we'll probably go to McDonald's more than once simply because I forgot that I have to feed us lunch at home now, but...
There's so much good too.
I get to spend all Summer home with my girls.
I don't have to make Jena come in from playing outside, just because we have work/school the next day. I anticipate lots of chasing-of-lightening-bugs and other dusk fun.
My house might actually be clean. Maybe.
I can visit with friend or my parents whenever I want. No trying to squeeze visits into already busy nights & weekends.
We can visit Daddy at the firehouse during the week. No more waiting until a weekend when the stars align just so, so that he's on shift and we have nothing planned to do.
We can go to the park during the day. No squeezing it in after work/school and worrying that if we stay too late she'll be up too late then won't want to get up for school the next day.
We could maybe do a play date with some friends.
So much available. I know we won't do it all. But it's there. It's a real possibility. For the first time ever.
This Summer is gonna be awesome.